The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
