that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
