it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
