So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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