One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
