Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
