So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
