oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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