I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
