dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
