i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
whose ass print is on the piano?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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