you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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