is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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