I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
