I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
