the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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