So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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