weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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