He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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