I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
