you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
