He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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