I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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