guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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