I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
