Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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