Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
