she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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