just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
