Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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