Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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