Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
