Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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