i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
