I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
