well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
