$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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