I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
