she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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