Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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