Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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