I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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