He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
