i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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