Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
