Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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