don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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