it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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