Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
