I think i sorta joined a cult last night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
