this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
