I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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