We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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