I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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