i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
