This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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