is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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