no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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