I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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