Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
