I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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