im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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