we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
