No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
