JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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