do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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