Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just pee around me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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