Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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