hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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